The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
