I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
