why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
