just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
