My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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