i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
