u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
