Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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