All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
