Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
