We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
