Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
