I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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