it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am naked and annoyed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
