his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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