i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
