I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
