i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
