Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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