Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
