He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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