i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
