i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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