I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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