i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
