I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
