Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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