I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
