HIV tests are more positive than that guy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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