I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
