I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
