so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
