Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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