this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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