I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
