we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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