I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That accounts for only three of the penises
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
