I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
