Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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