So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Will exercising make me less horny?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
