You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
