Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
