who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
