so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
