i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
