so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Help. Why am I so naked?
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