Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
