I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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