What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
