ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
