ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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