Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
