She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
