The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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