Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
