so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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